Santa Cthulhu’s Coming to Town

On 22 December, 2015, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

Santa Cthulhu’s Coming to Town

to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
(transposed into a minor key)

You better not run
You’ll just make it worse
Luckiest ones
will be eaten first
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

There isn’t a list
So take my advice;
He doesn’t care
who’s naughty or nice
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

He’ll eat you when you’re sleeping
He’ll find you if you hide
Devour us all, both bad and good
It’ll be humanocide!

O! You better not run
You’ll just make it worse
Luckiest ones
will be eaten first
Santa Cthulhu’s coming–
Santa Cthulhu’s coming–
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

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99 Programs

On 14 February, 2012, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

Grid Bugs

“If you’re having software troubles
I feel bad for you, son.
I got 99 programs
but a glitch ain’t one.”

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But… who’ll look out for poor BP?

On 20 June, 2010, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

Rep. Joe Barton

Mr. Hayward / Congressman Barton

to the tune of “Uncle Albert / Admiral Halsey” by Paul & Linda McCartney

We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
We’re so sorry for this awful tragedy
We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
And I really am ashamed
Of how the White House treats BP
We’re so sorry that they’re shaking you down this way
We’re so Sorry Mr. Hayward
How can we live in a country that would do this kind of thing?

We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
That the President has asked BP to pay
We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
But with Democrats in charge we just can never get our way

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Congressman Barton wasn’t the first
To say it was a shakedown, ‘cos some have called it worse
But he’s the only one who took it far enough to apologise (apologise?)
(he’d better take it back or we’ll all be demonised)

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand

Put it all behind you then you’ll drill again (drill again)
That’s the way it’s always been
Soon or later, drill again
Put it all behind you then you’ll drill again (drill again)
That’s the way it’s always been
Soon or later, drill again

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand

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Healthcare Protester

I’m Afraid of Obama

to the tune of “I’m Afraid of Americans” by David Bowie

Obama will kill Medicare
(Heard it on TV)
Illegal Immigrants
Will get everything for free

Listen to the talking points…

I’m afraid of the Democrats
I’m afraid of health care
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–
I believe all the talking points

Now I’m scared of everything…

Obama has a plan
For killing off the elderly too
Obama wasn’t born here
He’s a Muslim Nazi (it’s true!)

Listen to the talking points…

I’m afraid he’s a Socialist
I’m afraid of his Race
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid he can–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–
I believe all the talking points (talking points…)

Limbaugh’s on the radio
Limbaugh tells me what to think
Get my news from Fox News
They tell me which Kool-Aid to drink

Listen to the talking points…
Now I’m scared of everything…

I’m afraid of the Liberals
I’m afraid of the Gays
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–

I’m afraid Intellectuals
Wanna take all my guns
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–
I believe all the talking points

Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…

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RNC Records presents…

On 19 September, 2008, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

RNC Records

Bridge to Nowhere
by the Talking Points

to the tune of “Road to Nowhere” by the Talking Heads

if you saw our convention, you may think we have no plan
but we’d just like to mention, that you should know where we stand
we don’t talk about issues, and we play on your fears
but if you’re patriotic, then you’ll give us four more years

yeah

terrorists, 9-11, maverick change
hockey mom, hanoi hilton, maverick change
family values, freedom, mav’rick change
god bless america, the surge, mav’rick change, mav’rick change

russia, iran, bin laden, maverick change
victory, flag, reformer, maverick change
liberal media elite, mav’rick change
sexism, prisoner of war, mav’rick change, mav’rick change

don’t want no bridge to nowhere
thanks but no thanks to congress
sold a jet plane on ebay

the economy is great, there’s no need to regulate
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright
and those gas pains that you feel, the solution is to drill
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
we’ve got tax cuts for the poor, who earn $200k or more
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
see we know what’s best for you, ’cause god tells us what to do
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright

the economy is great, there’s no need to regulate
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright
and those gas pains that you feel, the solution is to drill
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
we’ve got tax cuts for the poor, who earn $200k or more
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
see we know what’s best for you, ’cause god tells us what to do
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright

don’t want no bridge to nowhere
thanks but no thanks to congress
sold a jet plane on ebay
maverick, mav’rick, mav’rick

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Fear my brain!

On 18 November, 2007, in Random Thoughts, by C. Scott Davis

So… I’m reading about various “dumb laws” that are still on the books in some places, and I spot one that states that it’s illegal to say “Oh, boy” in Jonesboro, Georgia.

The first thing that pops into my mind is Quantum Leap, which then (for some reason) makes me think of a Jonesboro Amateur Theatre production of Quantum Leap: The Musical (and how difficult the performances would be, due to that law).

Of course, that starts me thinking of what Quantum Leap: The Musical would actually be like, and then the next thing I know, my brain is actually coming up with these song lyrics:

“(Oh, boy)
I’m not myself today
(Oh, boy)
Don’t know what else to say
(Oh, boy)
Can someone help me please?
My memory’s swiss cheese
And in the mirror is the face of someone else who isn’t me!
Oh, boy!!!
I’m not
myself today”

This is the sort of thing my brain chooses to do, instead of working on my NaNoWriMo novel.

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Kicking it old school… or something…

On 23 April, 2007, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

The TARDIS

Have you seen my ship, Martha Jones?

to the tune of “New York Mining Disaster 1941” by the Bee Gees

As a result of all you’ve recently been through,
there is something I would like to show to you.
It’s not the plain blue wooden box it seems to be.

Have you seen my ship, Martha Jones?
Don’t be fooled by the shape of the outside.
It is really much larger on the inside, Martha Jones.

In my TARDIS, I roam through time and space.
I’m the last member of the Timelord race,
and if you want to, you can take a trip with me.
I can show you things you never thought you’d see.

Have you seen my ship, Martha Jones?
Don’t be fooled by the shape of the outside.
It is really much larger on the inside, Martha Jones.

And at the risk of sounding harsh I have to say,
just one trip and then I take you home to stay.
I just don’t need another human hanging ’round.

Have you seen my ship, Martha Jones?
Don’t be fooled by the shape of the outside.
It is really much larger on the inside, Martha Jones.

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A little Lovecraftian Blasphemy to kick-off the day

On 31 January, 2006, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

Santa Chthulhu

Cthulhu’s Hungry

to the tune of “Jesus Loves Me”

Cthulhu’s hungry, this I know
Necronomicon says so
When he comes, we won’t live long
We are weak, but he is strong

Yes, Cthulhu’s hungry
Yes, Cthulhu’s hungry
Yes, Cthulhu’s hungry
Necronomicon says so

Santa Chthulhu

Cthulhu Eats All of the Humans

to the tune of “Jesus Loves the Little Children”

Cthulhu eats all of the humans
All the humans in the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are tasty in his sight
Cthulhu eats all of the humans in the world

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Santa Cthulhu


Santa Cthulhu’s Coming to Town

to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

You better not run
You’ll just make it worse
Luckiest ones
will be eaten first
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

There isn’t a list
So take my advice;
He doesn’t care
who’s naughty or nice
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

He’ll eat you when you’re sleeping
He’ll find you if you hide
Devour us all, both bad and good
It’ll be humanocide!

O! You better not run
You’ll just make it worse
Luckiest ones
will be eaten first
Santa Cthulhu’s coming–
Santa Cthulhu’s coming–
Santa Cthulhu’s coming to town

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Setting the record straight

On 15 June, 2005, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

There Was No Clown

to the tune of “Send in the Clowns” by Stephen Sondheim

Isn’t it strange?
Highly unfair.
My reputation is soiled
beyond repair.
There was no clown.

I must insist.
It isn’t so.
Just something someone made up,
Long, long ago.
There was no clown.
Really, no clown.

Just when it seems it’s dying down,
Suddenly rumours spring up and start spreading around.
Gets more outrageous each time than the previous tales.
None of it’s true,
yet it prevails.

How did it start?
My fault I fear.
I let it get out of hand.
That led us here.
But was there a clown?
No, there was no clown.
Just so we’re all clear.

Isn’t it odd?
How I endure,
hearing such slander and lies,
when I’m so pure?
But there was no clown.
There wasn’t a clown.
Of that much I’m sure.

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