But… who’ll look out for poor BP?

On 20 June, 2010, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

Rep. Joe Barton

Mr. Hayward / Congressman Barton

to the tune of “Uncle Albert / Admiral Halsey” by Paul & Linda McCartney

We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
We’re so sorry for this awful tragedy
We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
And I really am ashamed
Of how the White House treats BP
We’re so sorry that they’re shaking you down this way
We’re so Sorry Mr. Hayward
How can we live in a country that would do this kind of thing?

We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
That the President has asked BP to pay
We’re so sorry Mr. Hayward
But with Democrats in charge we just can never get our way

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Congressman Barton wasn’t the first
To say it was a shakedown, ‘cos some have called it worse
But he’s the only one who took it far enough to apologise (apologise?)
(he’d better take it back or we’ll all be demonised)

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand

Put it all behind you then you’ll drill again (drill again)
That’s the way it’s always been
Soon or later, drill again
Put it all behind you then you’ll drill again (drill again)
That’s the way it’s always been
Soon or later, drill again

Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand
Oil is in the water (water)
Oil is in the sand

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Healthcare Protester

I’m Afraid of Obama

to the tune of “I’m Afraid of Americans” by David Bowie

Obama will kill Medicare
(Heard it on TV)
Illegal Immigrants
Will get everything for free

Listen to the talking points…

I’m afraid of the Democrats
I’m afraid of health care
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–
I believe all the talking points

Now I’m scared of everything…

Obama has a plan
For killing off the elderly too
Obama wasn’t born here
He’s a Muslim Nazi (it’s true!)

Listen to the talking points…

I’m afraid he’s a Socialist
I’m afraid of his Race
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid he can–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–
I believe all the talking points (talking points…)

Limbaugh’s on the radio
Limbaugh tells me what to think
Get my news from Fox News
They tell me which Kool-Aid to drink

Listen to the talking points…
Now I’m scared of everything…

I’m afraid of the Liberals
I’m afraid of the Gays
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–

I believe all the talking points
I believe all the lies
Now I’m frightened and angry
Now I’m frightened and–

I’m afraid Intellectuals
Wanna take all my guns
I’m afraid of Obama
I’m afraid of the–
I believe all the talking points

Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…
Now I’m scared of everything…

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Issues? What issues?

On 7 October, 2008, in Cartoons, Political Cartoons, by C. Scott Davis

Web Comic 20081007

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RNC Records presents…

On 19 September, 2008, in Parodies, Song Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

RNC Records

Bridge to Nowhere
by the Talking Points

to the tune of “Road to Nowhere” by the Talking Heads

if you saw our convention, you may think we have no plan
but we’d just like to mention, that you should know where we stand
we don’t talk about issues, and we play on your fears
but if you’re patriotic, then you’ll give us four more years

yeah

terrorists, 9-11, maverick change
hockey mom, hanoi hilton, maverick change
family values, freedom, mav’rick change
god bless america, the surge, mav’rick change, mav’rick change

russia, iran, bin laden, maverick change
victory, flag, reformer, maverick change
liberal media elite, mav’rick change
sexism, prisoner of war, mav’rick change, mav’rick change

don’t want no bridge to nowhere
thanks but no thanks to congress
sold a jet plane on ebay

the economy is great, there’s no need to regulate
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright
and those gas pains that you feel, the solution is to drill
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
we’ve got tax cuts for the poor, who earn $200k or more
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
see we know what’s best for you, ’cause god tells us what to do
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright

the economy is great, there’s no need to regulate
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright
and those gas pains that you feel, the solution is to drill
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
we’ve got tax cuts for the poor, who earn $200k or more
and it’s alright, baby it’s alright
see we know what’s best for you, ’cause god tells us what to do
yeah it’s alright, baby it’s alright

don’t want no bridge to nowhere
thanks but no thanks to congress
sold a jet plane on ebay
maverick, mav’rick, mav’rick

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When all else fails, redefine!

On 16 September, 2008, in Cartoons, Political Cartoons, by C. Scott Davis

Web Comic 20080916

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LHC Wormhole

Wormhole which leads to a strange Mirror Universe.

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — Scientists at CERN revealed today that the Large Hadron Collider accidentally created a wormhole to a Mirror Universe.

“This was completely unexpected,” one of the scientists stated, “There was some speculation that the LHC might unravel the fabric of space-time and destroy the Universe, but most of us felt certain that the destruction would be more localised, most likely limited to our Solar System or possibly just the Earth itself. No one anticipated that it would open a portal to a bizarre parallel dimension… This has totally screwed up the office pool.”

“I suppose it’s still possible that the wormhole will collapse into a singularity,” he added, “but I’m not holding my breath. I’m pretty sure I’m just out €10.”

Scientists from the Mirror Universe, who are assisting our scientists in trying to shut down the LHC, are denying rumours that their Universe is some kind of ‘evil’ alternate reality to our own.

“It’s hardly fair to label our Universe as ‘evil’,” said one of the Mirror Universe scientists, during the joint press conference held this morning, “There are difference, of course. For example, in our Universe Betamax became the videotape standard, instead of VHS… Of course, that doesn’t really matter any more, since HD-DVD has made tapes obsolete anyway.”

Protesters outside of CERN have already added ‘Invasion from Mirror Universe’ to the long list of dangers they believe the LHC poses. “You have to keep a close watch on these scientist types,” warned one protester, “One minute they’re opening up gateways to other dimensions, and the next thing you know they’re doing something really dangerous like bouncing Wonderflonium.”

Both sets of scientists insist that the LHC is perfectly safe, or at least as safe as a 27 kilometre super-collider capable of punching a hole in reality can be.

“Everyone can rest assured that we’re all working together to shut down the LHC, as soon as possible,” the Mirror Universe scientist stated “even though the wormhole is absolutely stable and poses no danger whatsoever.”

“Besides,” he added, “I want to get back to my Universe in time to see Gigli 2 on opening night.”

CERN Press Conference

CERN Scientists and their Mirror Universe counterparts hold a joint press conference.

Sources

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My secret gay agenda, let me show you it

On 19 June, 2008, in Random Thoughts, by C. Scott Davis

There was a recent post on a Doctor Who site about the idea that Russell T. Davies is pursuing some kind of “secret gay agenda”, simply because he doesn’t make every character automatically straight by default1. The subject seems to show up every time we see a non-straight character (this time because a character in last week’s episode casually referred to her ex as “she”), and the discussions tend to run the full range from interesting and well-thought-out (on both sides of the issue) to mindlessly homophobic.

I have my own serious thoughts on the subject… but instead I give you this, from when the issue came up last series:

Gay Agenda


1 Hey, I never claimed to be unbiased on the subject.

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Fear my brain!

On 18 November, 2007, in Random Thoughts, by C. Scott Davis

So… I’m reading about various “dumb laws” that are still on the books in some places, and I spot one that states that it’s illegal to say “Oh, boy” in Jonesboro, Georgia.

The first thing that pops into my mind is Quantum Leap, which then (for some reason) makes me think of a Jonesboro Amateur Theatre production of Quantum Leap: The Musical (and how difficult the performances would be, due to that law).

Of course, that starts me thinking of what Quantum Leap: The Musical would actually be like, and then the next thing I know, my brain is actually coming up with these song lyrics:

“(Oh, boy)
I’m not myself today
(Oh, boy)
Don’t know what else to say
(Oh, boy)
Can someone help me please?
My memory’s swiss cheese
And in the mirror is the face of someone else who isn’t me!
Oh, boy!!!
I’m not
myself today”

This is the sort of thing my brain chooses to do, instead of working on my NaNoWriMo novel.

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I don’t get it…

On 20 July, 2007, in Rants, by C. Scott Davis

What is the big deal about HP7?

I get that everyone is excited. I just can’t see why.

Plus, what’s with all of this “spoiler” stuff? That makes even less sense to me. Personally, I wouldn’t even think about buying something, unless I knew exactly what I was getting. I certainly wouldn’t be trying to actually avoid information. That just seems crazy.

Then again, this whole HP7 thing seems to be making everyone just a little insane. I mean really, waiting in line until midnight, just so you can buy it as soon as it comes out? What kind of a person actually does that?

For pete’s sake people, it’s just a freakin’ printer.

I like Hewlett Packard printers just fine, but I can’t imagine that this new HP7 series is going to be that much better than my old HP4.

Still, HP7 mania seems to be the order of the day, so I guess I must be missing something here.

 
GWB

For some people, the truth is a very difficult concept.

Washington, DC — In clarification of a previous statement, the White House announced today that the President’s intention had been to call for additional troops and not, as the original document stated, “a 20% increase in truth levels over the next 30 days”.

In spite of the mix up, sources close to the President insist that he will stand by the original wording. “Once the President decides on a course, he sticks to it,” said White House spokesperson, Tony Snow, “It’s not a question of what we should do, or what we meant to do. His plan is to simply keep doing what we’re doing, until it eventually works.”

Some analysts believe that the 20% truth surge could bring White House truth levels up from the infinitesimally small amounts that are normally seen to levels that may even be statistically significant. If so, it would be the first measurable quantities of Executive-level truth in the last six years.

“You can rest assured that this plan will be implemented very carefully,” Snow added, addressing concerns that the White House may not be able to function under such difficult conditions, “It’s not like we’re going to do anything crazy, like admit that the war in Iraq was started under false pretenses, or anything like that.” He then laughed nervously and cleared his throat.

The first press release issued under the new system met its truth quota by correctly declaring today’s date and the names of several generals.

The original error is being blamed on a member of the typing pool who, according to the White House, “was probably a Democrat”.

Sources

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