Playing with your Wii

This is what can happen if you "play with your Wii" too much.

GENEVA, Switzerland — Doctors at the World Health Organisation today issued a Health Advisory outlining the possible health risks associated with excessively “playing with your Wii”.

Although there is no conclusive evidence that “playing with your Wii” is harmful, in and of itself, several potentially serious conditions may occur if you “play with your Wii” too much, including muscle cramps, calluses, and in some extreme cases, even blindness and public ridicule.

In addition, there is also the danger that if you “play with with your Wii” too vigorously, you might break it.

The WHO suggests the following safety tips, in order to avoid Wii-related injuries:

  • Always “play with your Wii” in private. There is nothing more embarrassing that having your parents walk in on you, while you’re “playing with your Wii”.
  • Make sure you’re in a comfortable position. Half of all Wii-related injuries are the result of “playing with your Wii” in an awkward or uncomfortable position.
  • Take frequent breaks. “Playing with your Wii” can be a lot of fun, but you shouldn’t overdo it.
  • Be gentle with your Wii. Sure, it can take a lot, but it’s more sensitive than it looks.
  • Switch hands. Many problems can be avoided by not always using the same hand. Sometimes you can even use both hands.
  • Don’t brag about your Wii. Nobody wants to hear you bragging about how great your Wii is… especially if you really do use both hands.
  • Never “play with someone else’s Wii” without asking first.

Sources

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STFUing

On 21 November, 2006, in Other Parodies, Parodies, by C. Scott Davis

STFUing

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Raptu-lert

On 16 November, 2006, in Other Parodies, Parodies, by C. Scott Davis
Raptu-lert

During the Rapture, seconds count. Give yourself the peace of mind that you can only get from Raptu-lert!

There are several systems on the market that claim to provide a 30-second to 2-minute warning of impending Rapture. The most popular of these is the Raptu-lert (pictured), which also has a battery backup and 3-year warranty (although actual Rapture-protection is not guaranteed).

The Raptu-lert has three modes that determine which type of alarm will sound, in case of Rapture:

  • Tone – A very loud, obnoxious bleeping sound.
  • Voice – A voice (probably Jesus, however the manual doesn’t specify) shouting “Repent! Repent!”
  • Radio – The nearest Christian radio station.

Rumour has it that the original alarm featured Jesus announcing “I’m coming! I’m coming! Oh, God! I’m coming!” but since the manufacturer has denied it and the first batch of Raptu-lerts were recalled to the factory (supposedly for a minor defect in the test button), there’s no way to confirm this.

Following the huge success of the Raptu-lert, the manufacturer has announced plans to produce a smaller, portable version, which can be carried as a key-chain, and is expected to be available during the first quarter of 2008 (barring imminent Rapture prior to the release date).

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